The Words

Words have always been a sensitive thing of mine. I kinda take them to heart when I shouldn't sometimes. And. In the beginning of this new adventure words meant SO much more to me then what anyone meant by them. I was extremely sensitive.

Now, before I go on please know we will all have different experiences. We are all in different phases of life. I happen to be in the thick of it years. The ones where you are running around like a mad women trying to get it all done. And. The kids are getting older, so a couple are independent, but over half are not still. So....getting kids dressed, fed, changed, changed again.....and again.....if you have boys you know what I mean! Ha! Picking up, keeping it together, beds made, laundry washed, dishwasher emptied, letters written, house vacuumed and kept somewhat orderly.....sound familiar yet....I am in the thick of it. I love it. I wouldn't want it any other way. But. I would also assume as kids grow the change happens where the load goes from psychical exhaustion to emotional. So, its okay if you think "WOW! This poor wife she really is having a hard time!" Well....I was....and it was okay. Hard times are good refining moments in life!

So....back to words. Words affect my mind for many many days at a time. The first week my husband was bishop this was said....."I don't think I can talk to you anymore. You are now a bishops wife". Wow. How do you take that? Confusion swept over me. My name was changed in an insist. I went from Me to Bishops Wife. That saying set my tone. I became to wonder if everyone thought that. And. I swear they did. How about this one......"WOW! You have it all together!". I often wanted to burst into tears, but smiled and grinned cause I didn't know what to say. Now....I feel like I have it more together but I don't think me personally will every have it all together.....until....well....I'm perfect....and we all know that doesn't happen in this life so....hmmmmm.

But how bout the "We love you", "We pray for you", "We appreciate your husband", "Your amazing", "You still need friends to", " Here's a dinner. I know you must be so busy", "Can I help?", "Can I watch your kids and give you a break", "Your doing great", "Thanks for your service", "I thought of you today", "Chocolate....here is chocolate"......see what I am getting at.....

This calling above all has taken a mental shift on my mind. I have had to force myself to change my thought process. I cried over and over and over at the one or two hurtful things said to me that I missed the joys in these sayings from the beginning. Once I let that shift happen my heart was full. I loved all those around me. I loved me more. And.....yes....perhaps....I am starting to love this calling and shoes that I fill in it. I am learning how to embrace it....make a difference....be an instrument for the Lord. And. The best part.....I have a glimpse at true happiness and how to choose it. This calling for this aspect alone.......is worth it.....I personally have been brought closer to the atonement. I needed that. The Lord knew that. He allowed me personally to be refined. A tender mercy for sure.

How are you wives doing? Hanging in there? I think about you all! I pray for you all! I KNOW these are big shoes to fill! Please feel free to ever ask questions, vent, scream, rejoice, share,.....Here is support!

Hope

I want to now go back and fill in details. That nitty gritty stuff but first the word hope is on my mind. We had a lesson today in RS about hope. And.....the best part.....my Mr. stayed home with sick kids so I could go and enjoy church myself! Someone may or may not have laughed that I "made" the bishop stay home with his sick kids instead of being at church, but it was his will I swear! 2 months ago I would have been in tears, but I laughed at the comment and didn't care. Sigh. Relief that I may be getting somewhere!

So. Back to hope. A sister shared that Elder Holland shared with her and her husband that the one thing you cannot live without is hope. That thought struck me. I so believe that! Those long, hard, lonely, tedious days were filled with hope. I hoped it would get better. I hoped I would be happy. I hoped that I would enjoy this new journey. I hoped that I could love ALL of these people. I hoped that I would not disappoint the Lord. It was through that hope that I found the strengthening power of the atonement. Through that hope came the desire to serve. The desire to be motivated. The desire to make a change. And it happened. I smiled walking out of there thinking: the days were so long and hard, but my hope is what pulled me through. And I have a stronger hope because of that.

So to all those bishops wives who are merely having a rough minute, hour, day, week, month or year hold onto your hope. Hope equals work. Lets do it!