Tuesday, December 29, 2015


December. Need I say more? For me this is by far the most difficult month for us. It's our third December as a bishops family. I can't pin point why a month that is suppose to be so joyous is my hardest month. In fact it is so hard I feel January first should be a bishops wife holiday. I contemplate having cake and ice cream. Maybe even pick up some balloons. It can be titled "Happy We Survived December Day". Do you feel like this? Am I just completely crazy?

I recently deleted all my social media pages. It was way to hard to feel like I never got a break from the ward. It was hard to see the cliques and the exclusive groups. It was hard to heal from negative judgement seeing their faces each day. I have never felt more free. However, it means I miss out on the bishops wife group. I miss those ladies! I miss the discussion. I miss being able to say "times are tough" and have people get it. Today is one of those days I wish I could go get a boost from those who know how difficult and challenging this place is. It is hard. Very hard. I wish others understood that I give everything for my husband to serve. Everything. So hooray for January first. 3 Decembers down. Potentially only 2 more to go. How are you holding up this December? Is it hard for you too? Comments welcomed.:)

Saturday, October 17, 2015

The Joys

The life of a bishops wife always has its ups and downs. However, 2 1/2 years in we definitely have more ups then downs. The work is becoming joyful. Our relationship has deepened. My desire to serve the Lord more has increased. I want to be His disciple. I want to know that when that day comes of release that we did our best and succeeded because we learned how to plant our hearts even more firmly on the Savior.

I simply stand amazed at how the Savior cares for us. I have had many sweet miracles and blessings where I have felt the Savior aware of me, and so close. It is amazing. The longer we are in this calling the more I learn about Him. The more I trust Him. The more I want to share that love with others.

Recently, I had the privilege of listening to President Eyring. He said a phrase that has caused me to ponder this calling. No one understands the sacrifice this calling takes until you have lived in these shoes. Someday's it seems overwhelming and too much. Some weeks my husband and I are like ships in the night. We hardly see one another. Other weeks we get lots of time with one another. We raise a large family. Their is always somewhere to be and someone who needs something. Some weeks the task may seem a bit much when we also share our time with a ward family. I went in to listening to President Eyring with many of these thoughts on my mind and a tender heart. I wanted to be spiritually filled. I wanted the Lord to speak to me. And He did. One sentence changed my entire perspective. He said "if you understood the blessings nothing would seem like a sacrifice." He was chocked up. I could tell he knew more then me. The spirit had taught Him more then what I knew. I walked away with a new resolve. I wanted to be better. I wanted to stay calmer when the stakes are higher. I wanted to support more. Be more joyful when duty calls. It has changed everything. I am not perfect. I still have many moments where the feelings of loneliness and despair creep in, but I quickly remember President Eyring and plead with the Lord to again see the tender mercies and His hand and to be strengthened by His strength.

I have come to realize that this call is a great blessing. It is a privilege. It is a great growing opportunity if we make it. Building the kingdom of God is what matters most. It brings the greatest joy and fulfillment. It is at times hard to juggle building the kingdom in my home and also allowing time to help build it through callings, but the Lord strengthened us. I have come to know that I am nothing without that strength. It has been a hard uphill climb to see it all from this view, but so worth it. Never would I change this. The Lord truly refines us and strengthen us. I simply stand all amazed!

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Reflection Time

Over the weekend I had the great opportunity to go and listen to Elder Groberg speak to our youth at a mission readiness conference. It was absolutely wonderful and so many pieces clicked for me.

My husband and I are coming up on the two year mark. I love to reflect. I love to look back and see we made it through challenging times. I love to look back and see what I think we did well. I also love to take inventory of what we can do better. My mission with this calling was to find ways to thrive and not merely survive. I tell ya the two year mark is wonderful. We are in our groove. The past life is no longer a memory. This is our life. And I have embraced it. Let me tell you a few moments that have stood out to me.

One reflection I had is of my dad. He has been fighting cancer and has had to do chemo for the past 5 months. It is difficult and hard. Most patients always have to be put off a week here and there while their platelets rise a bit more. My dad has never had to be put off. As I pondered this fact a clear message was sent that its a blessing for his children serving faithfully! Sometimes as a bishops wife it is hard to see progress because we are at home raising families or kinda behind the scene. Behind the scene is wonderful. (this is the new me talking. At first I didn't feel this way) My dad has been blessed simply because we have been serving. How can I not have a happy attitude. We have had some difficult weeks and its like a sliver in my foot not a nail. I can see the light.

Another reflection is my relationship with Heavenly Father. It is stronger then ever. My trust has increased. My knowledge and faith. Hope and charity have also become stronger. Never in my dreams did I see this outcome.

So, back to Elder Groberg. He had us ask some questions about ourselves and they have been great questions to ponder on which is why I wish to share them. First, What are you doing to build the kingdom of God? Do I have enough trust in God to do His will and lean not to my own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5-6). Do I do whatever he asks of me? Then he challenged us to show our trust to the Lord by our actions. Then the best part that stood out. The best things are the hardest. You learn more through the tough things. It is where our trust increase gets stronger. We know we cant do it on our own. We need his help. Then his next challenge was to tell yourself "I am going to trust no matter what"

This calling is not easy. It takes a lot of time and sacrifice. But, I can honestly say I trust the Lord more and this is what life really is all about. Building the kingdom here upon the earth so that the Lord in His glory and with heaven can come and dwell. (D&C 65). The moment that was taught my heart swelled with joy. My husband and I are building the kingdom.

So, coming up on two years I must say I am content. The constant internal struggle is no longer present. It comes every now and again, but certainly not everyday. I no longer look to the day of my husbands release. I feel I can live the here and now and enjoy it. I think of all other bishops wives. I hope they are well. I hope they feel how loved they are. We share a unique kindred spirit between us. We "get it". I hope you all had a wonderful Sabbath! The Lord truly does trust us as companions to our husbands that we would be able to give of ourselves to allow our husbands to serve in this capacity. I wish everyone would have this great opportunity of growth and challenge! I at two years am so grateful we do. And remember those hard days "trust no matter what."