Wednesday, August 27, 2014
The Rollar Coaster Ride
Recently, I watched one of my new favorite movies out there. It's titled "Emma Smith". I watched it on netflix for those interested. It is all about Emma. Her life. Her joy. Her hardships. Her faithfulness. I served a mission in Kirtland and so I have ALWAYS adored Emma. For whatever reason my heart always went out to her. I often would think of her while reading a story about the prophet Joseph Smith. I could recognize that yes the prophet did amazing work, but he had a wife by his side. I always admired the support she gave to her husband. I always new the love she had went deep for him. Watching that movie kinda brought it all together and I always had another profound thought....
Those of us who are focused on building the kingdom will ALWAYS have opposition. Especially those called to serve over a group of people. Always. It will never go away. It may subside, but never go away.
The past few weeks I have learned to embrace that. We are in the hottest part of the refiners fire as the wife. We loose everything. (or at least I feel I have) When the stake president told me I would loose friends, I kinda thought "oh. Not me. People know me for me and I have friends." Well sure enough as the weeks and months passed on the on set of loneliness settled in. It is my biggest battle. Still 18 months in most days I am filled with loneliness beyond any level I have ever felt. You see, I THRIVE off being social. I thrive off conversations, get togethers, girls nights, date nights, games, social events. All of it. It is part of who I am. I have had to pray and learn how to thrive in other ways. How to develop a more rounded personality. How to find ways to serve others to fulfill that need. Sometimes the oppositions are what truly become our greatest blessings!
I will embrace opposition! I know I have grown to accept it when my husband received a HUGE pay cut out of no where. And I can still smile and say "we WILL continue to do the Lord's work and all will be well". That has never been my first response, nor do I usually embrace trials with a smile. But I will. I have grown. I will grow and the Lord will provide. I trust that!
I expected though in the beginning that the opposition would end at some point. Now, I am to a point of knowing it will not. It is a matter of embracing it and charging forward and not getting stuck. I truly hope that I will weather this well. This calling has become an absolute joy. It is now part of our lives and our family. It is what we have to do and desire to do. It has tested me to the very core of "will I serve God?" It has pulled at every heart string and then some that I never thought possible or even know I had. And it will continue to. The best part is we are being taken care of. We are learning and growing and stretching in ways that are just plain uncomfortable, but the end result I know is truly amazing! The Lord is amazing! He knows exactly what we need and if we let him, he will turn us into the person he sees us as. I love His work! So, because I love it I have embraced the phrase "come what may and love it!"