Friday, February 28, 2014

The Stake President

Sometime around October, or earlier I don't remember, Mr. went to a stake meeting. There the stake president asked how I was. My husband hides a lot and keeps me close to him. He doesn't share the truth with people about me. He has the upmost respect. So, I hope that gives an idea of how bad off I was when Mr. told him I was struggling. They talked and decided I should meet with him. When Mr. came home to tell me I had a meeting I was not pleased. How could I go take someones time when as the wife I knew how that felt. But, the day came and the nerves were all over the place.

I walked in sat down. He asked how it was. One word was all I could say......"crap". I asked him if he really wanted honesty because he may regret asking. :) He then asked me to tell him the highs. I told him working with the youth and being around them more was a treasure to me. I love the youth of the church. The spirit they have, the hope, the happiness it just all radiates. They didn't judge me for being a bishops wife. They embraced it. It became my comfort. He then asked the lows. He asked me to expand as to what "everything else" meant. So I started.....I never see my husband, he meets with other women, he drops everything, being told "I don't know if I can talk to you anymore now that your the bishops wife, the meetings, the lonely Sundays, the lonely nights, the tears, the pain, the burden, the thought that your not your husbands life anymore, so yes......everything else.

He then counseled me some of the best counsel. I wish all bishops wives could have. He first told me it is normal for the relationship to be more heated then before. The stakes are higher. Their will be more crucial conversations because of the stakes being higher. You have two choices. Crucial to silence or crucial to violence. Meaning, you go silent its no longer worth the fight, or you scream and yell. He counseled that I needed to find a good medium. That my friends is not an easy task.

He also mentioned that what I felt was nagging was not. What a relief. Me saying no was a needful thing. He compared it to a new puppy. If you let go of the leash the puppy with run and get lost. My part was to hold that leash. To say no. To help him say no. To guide him. To encourage him. All while pulling him to keep him close to us as a family otherwise he will run off doing great work, but in the end loose his family. That is the last thing they want to have happen! I know that would be the last thing my husband would want to have happen as well.

He taught me about an emotional back account. When that is full it is easier to let them serve. At that time mine was bone dry. We needed to come up with things that would help fill this up so he could serve with out making me feel not needed or worthless. My cup would be full and it would make it easier for him to fill other peoples cups with counsel and love.

The meeting had only begun when it ended. He handed me a talk on the atonement. Told me on a hard day to read it. It sat in my car and then on my nightstand for weeks until I finally cracked it open.

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